


feels like we only go backwards

by IBrokeBad



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Post-Civil War, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 16:32:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18167552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IBrokeBad/pseuds/IBrokeBad
Summary: Buckynat Prompt: Natasha visits Bucky in Wakanda





	feels like we only go backwards

**Author's Note:**

> Found this in the dusty corners of my google drive and thought I should share :)

_I know that you think you sound silly when you call my name_

_But I hear it inside my head all day_

_Then I realize I'm just holding on to the hope that, maybe_

_Your feelings don't show_

* * *

 

 

When he sees her there in the field, he’s sure that it’s another one of his dreams bleeding into the daytime. Usually, they were incoherent. He’d get one thing at a time. A scent. A color. Oftentimes, a feeling lodged in his gut with her name rising from the recesses of his brain.

But this one is different. She is different, and she is everything all at once.

Bucky freezes in his tracks. As she draws closer, he can see that her hair had been bleached, scrubbed of its color like hands washed of blood. He’s fought all his life, but none of it prepared him for the frenzy in his chest at the sight of her drawing near as if his body knows something that he doesn’t.

“Hi,” he says, voice coming up hoarse. Having made an effort to remain isolated, he hadn’t spoken to anyone since yesterday morning when Shuri came by to check on him. Bucky clears his throat and glances around for her usual company: Steve, Sam, or maybe even Stark. When he sees no one coming from the direction she came, he hesitates. “Just you?”

She smiles at his confusion. “Just me.”

It occurs to him that they’d never really conversed before, making the familiar amusement on her face a bit startling. What could he say?  _ It’s great to see you, how’s life on the run? It’s been a while since you’ve caught me between your-- _ he stops himself.

He hadn’t realized it would be this difficult to come back to himself (whoever that is), back to a place where he could talk to someone in full sentences about things that didn’t matter--about the weather or what to eat for lunch. Attempting that now would feel like speaking an unfamiliar language.

Luckily, she saves him from having to come up with something.

“This is a good look on you,” she says, gesturing at him. She seems loose, almost happy. Why is she so happy to see him?

“One-armed?” he asks.

She shakes her head, amused, and says, “At peace.”

He stares at her for a moment, trying to place her in the jigsaw of his life. He doesn’t know where she fits. “Why are you here?”

She shrugs. “Just passing through. Thought I’d see how you were doing.”

_ Lie. _ Bucky searches her face. Her eyes are clear, though he senses caution. She’s holding something back. He thinks he knows this because he always does. But he doesn’t know how he always does. The thought drifts through his head like a breeze, then disappears as soon as he chases it. She had to be here for a reason--not just to come in like that breeze and knock him unsteady, only to leave before he can make sense of it.

“Did Steve send you?” he asks. That seems right. “To check up on me?”

Her eyes tighten, and she looks at him as if everything he’d been thinking just tumbled out of his mouth. The look of knowing watchfulness in her steady eyes alarms him. Makes him feel wildly off-balance.

A small smirk forms on her lips. “He doesn’t tell me what to do when we’re not on the battlefield, Barnes.”

_ And we’re not _ ? Though he doesn’t say it aloud, she takes a step back.

“You have that face,” she says, a muted catch in her voice. “The one you have when you’re fighting.”

He frowns and looks down, finding that his hand is clenched at his side. He exhales. A storm had been growing inside his chest without him realizing, and he can’t fathom how she’d done it. Maybe he is fighting--just not with her. Bucky tries to meet her eyes again, but she’d already turned away.

“I’ll see you around, Barnes,” she says, then moves around him to make her way onto the trail. Her tone is colder, more careful.

“See you,” he says as she floats farther away. She’s already too far to hear when he finally tests it on his tongue: “Natasha.”


End file.
